I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
