You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
