PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
