...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
