i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
