How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
