I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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