how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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