Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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