I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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