i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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