if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
