Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
