There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
