i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
