I have demons in me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
