she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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