Define "chronic" masturbator.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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