Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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