It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
