so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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