I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
