Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
