He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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