He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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