how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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