Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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