I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
