YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Pappa wants mamma naked
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
