I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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