We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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