i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
