and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
