someone owes me an orgasm
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do herpes really smell.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
