i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
