So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
