If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
