I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize