Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
