Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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