I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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