I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
