Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
