DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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