We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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