I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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