This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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