So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
