discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
