my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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