I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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