I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
