In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
