i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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