I didn't shave. On purpose
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
