I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
