come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
