Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
