Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
