yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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