Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
