would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
