Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
