Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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